The Futility of Comparisons

It is one of the most disempowering habits. Often learned at an early age, it is well fed by the marketing and entertainment industries. Cars, bodies, homes, friends, lifestyles and characters are only a few of the many levels at which we learn to compare ourselves with others. In so doing we seldom feel our self-esteem becoming stronger, and if we do, it is more likely to be a short lived inflation of our ego, and deflation must follow.

Comparing ourselves with others is a deep and often subtle conditioning in a world where 'people watching' has become, for many, a daily obsession. As we watch, we compare, as we compare, we desire, and as we desire we lose our ability to be content with where we are and what we have. Someone else's life always looks better than 'my life', someone else's success always seems much greater than any success I may achieve and someone else's future always seems to look much rosier than my future. These thought patterns are fatal to our well-being, and over time can paralyse our ability to think clearly for ourselves.

Although there are many levels at which we learn to compare, perhaps the most common is at the level of form. The 'beauty myth' feeds us the illusion that if we are not drop dead stunningly gorgeous then we cannot be successful and we cannot be happy. The images of perfectly formed bodies, with the most attractive faces, adorn our glossy magazines (womens and mens) and, in some places, our daily newspaper. As we absorb this mythology many will spend both money and time attempting to achieve the shape, smile, suntan and style of life of those we aspire to be like. It all comes with that subtle promise of happiness and success, and if our awareness is dim enough, we will believe it, and then be perplexed as to why we become even unhappier, and even more discontent, as we obviously fail to look like the manufactured image of the perfected human form. The sadness at not achieving what we perceive others have achieved, the disappointment at not being able to duplicate the physical beauty of another, can lead to depression, and then other industries will benefit from our expenditure as we attempt to counter our flagging feelings of self worth. It is a spiral that only leads downwards.

However there are those who will counter all this and say that it's good to aspire to the heights that others seem to have reached. It is here that we meet a fine line between imitation and inspiration. It's always good to recognise the best and see the virtue in another's character. But while it its good to see their virtues it pays to leave the person outside the doorway of our mind. Imitation may be a form of flattery but it is also a sign that we suppressing our self. An aspiration towards excellence, an inclination to inculcate virtue, an intention to replace our vicious cycles with virtuous cycles at the level of thought, feeling, attitude and action, is the road to being all that we can be, but it is a road we must walk alone. It is not a road to more acquisition or accumulation. It is a journey towards the realisation that each and every one of us is already all that we can ever be, we are already complete, we are already worthy and highly esteemed. It's just that we have temporarily lost awareness of it.

Ending all comparison with others is essential to living a contented and fulfilling life, where our life is 'filled' from inside out, not outside it. To break the habit it helps to remember three things:

- You are unique (it is the one thing we ALL have in common!) and it is impossible to look or be the same as someone else.

- Your life is a gift and an opportunity to plough your own furrow, create your own path, shape your own destiny, and in so doing you do what you are here to do which is create your life which, if you do it well, will enrich the lives of others

- You already have all that you need within you. Much of what your body needs comes from outside you, but ALL that YOU need comes from within, and you can never loose it, only lose your awareness of it, and connection with it!

This means that what you see in the bathroom mirror in the morning is not you, it is just the form you occupy. It means beauty is not skin deep, it is beyond the skin. It means beauty is not an image or a reflection, it is what you see and feel when you know yourself as spirit. And it is what others will see and feel when your thoughts and actions are shaped by love, guided by truth and shared with kindness. Then virtue will be its own reward, as well as bring it's own rewards. And then all comparison with others and all aspiration to be like others will cease.

Question : In what areas or at what levels do you find yourself comparing yourself with others most?

Reflection: The difference between aspiration, inspiration and perspiration?

Action: See the beauty (virtue) within the actions of one person every day this week and, where appropriate, tell them what you saw.